Story of Inaaya: finding worth

Sitting on the edge of the parapet wall,
With an open diary and pen in hand,
earplugs tucked in the ear and the sound of loud rock music blaring through them,
Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wanted to shout out loud..

The open pages of my diary read my story..

Phase 1: Inaaya was the gift of Allah to this lovely couple. She was given the affection that every child craves for. She was loved by all and was treated like a princess. She understood the silence of her parents and respected everyone with utmost priority. Her priorities were limited and she was satisfied with what she had. As she grew up she found friends but none too close. She mingled with everyone but maintained a pause.

Phase 2: Her first step into school and she thought she found her own space. Not too popular and not unknown she paved her way in the middle. She was always with friends yet was alone. She never felt the concern as her life had a meaning, she always felt complete. Her aloneness was her soul. She could spend her time unaccompanied. The school brought many changes in her. She found her skills, learnt her likes - dislikes, developed patience. Her experiences were her treasures and with every new one she came closer to doing things one her own.

Phase 3: Bidding adieu to school, she entered college. Her circle of life grew and she realised the importance of school. She had found someone with whom she thought she felt complete. Somewhere hoping that he will be her soulmate. Her journey was rocky and she had to prove herself at every turn. Her world came upside down and for the first time she realised that she had to balance her roles. She questioned herself, she was questioned by her parents and she doubted her ability to be a good companion. "Is there something wrong that people don't like me?" "Am I worth this role?" "Why can't I come upto the expectations of other?" She started becoming a villain for herself. She started becoming aloof as she thought that people will only bring trouble and she will not be liked by anyone. With a deep - seated self doubt she reclaimed her position in the world of education. She was quieter and alert. Her reactions were fast but wavered. Her first success helped her regain her strength. She realised that to survive she has to first reengage in doing things on her own. Her self reliance healed her trust towards herself. She started working on her relationships without leaving the trace of past. She held others before herself, only to get ditched later.

Phase 4: Her journey towards employment began. Her troubled past haunted her but she hid it in farthest corner of her heart and mind. She outshone others and continued her winning streak. The fresh space gave her ideas to paint a new picture. Her aura was brighter and she found the real deal. She found a few people who helped her move ahead and accepted her. Still there were those who always looked down upon her and wanted her to suffer. Yet she always made her way through

Inaaya suffered within herself limping with her beliefs and stitching her trust whenever she found a similar soul. She cried within and smiled outside. She was her own demon and her own monster yet she bailed herself out of distress.

                                                            

Our stress, frustration and misery are mainly self created. We all have our doubts when we feel we are not worth anything. We have trust issues when the people we love rather assume loving leave us unattended. When we start finding the cues for answers within our problems, we will be able to avoid the major stressors of life.