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Story of Inaaya: finding worth

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Sitting on the edge of the parapet wall, With an open diary and pen in hand, earplugs tucked in the ear and the sound of loud rock music blaring through them, Tears rolled down my cheeks and I wanted to shout out loud.. The open pages of my diary read my story.. Phase 1: Inaaya was the gift of Allah to this lovely couple. She was given the affection that every child craves for. She was loved by all and was treated like a princess. She understood the silence of her parents and respected everyone with utmost priority. Her priorities were limited and she was satisfied with what she had. As she grew up she found friends but none too close. She mingled with everyone but maintained a pause. Phase 2: Her first step into school and she thought she found her own space. Not too popular and not unknown she paved her way in the middle. She was always with friends yet was alone. She never felt the concern as her life had a meaning, she always felt complete. Her aloneness was her ...

Longing for Love

Random scribbling before Valentine's... While sitting in the quiet corner of the house, looking outside the window I asked myself, "What is that you're looking for?" I didn't expect the answer but it came after a pause, "I'm yet to discover what I seek." Then I asked again, "Do you have any desires?" It replied, "Yes, I have many but I long for love." I didn't ask anything else, just silently sat beside the window. The answer stirred something inside me, it felt as if a dam broke inside. I lay awake at night pondering over the statement that came from within. Whenever I see couples who have spent most of their lives with one another, one see the love they share in their tiny moments together. That love is in their patience towards one another, the unspoken words, the phrases that the other completes, their gaze and so on. Whenever I  see a romantic movie, it just sets off a series of emotional responses inside me. I actually...

Deception

Lies get complicated, usually if you tell a lie, you have to tell another lie. And each lie turns into another lie and another lie, and it makes things complicated. Until, eventually, you're left with this big mess of lies.. that you can't find your way out of. When I was pursuing my graduation, I vividly remember my social psychology classes and particularly this class of non-verbal communication/ cues. I remember our teacher describing about the reactions in our body when we express different emotions; how we can distinguish between genuineness and lying etc. A lot of studies have been done on lying and if you 'Google - how to detect lying' you'll see a series of results that'll will provide you with details. But today I'm not going to write about my learning in social psychology class, rather I wanted to write about how deception actually makes you a different person. A lie is told to hide the truth that you know will devastate the lives of people...

Marital Bliss

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Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.                                               - the fault in our stars Marriage is one such infinity that is second longest phase of our lives post childhood. Our parents bring us into this world and nurture us to achieve our goals. Then we select our careers and finally land a job. There comes a stage when we get to choose someone other than our parents with whom we would want to spend our lives. The question being, 'Who is the right one?' When most of us start to think on these lines we have two options in mind: either marry someone you love or marry someone with whom you eventually might fall in love (attachment). While the choice seems to be interesting yet it is daunting. We the people who have done things on our own terms are now tong...

Shadows of Time

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A circle has no boundary. The ends are closed and properly tied. The place where we start the journey, we end our journey there itself. Similar to a circle is time. The passage of time is unexpected. Anything may arise from anywhere, making its presence felt. Its limitlessness is its limit . The seamless boundary of time doesn't let you escape its clutches. It holds on to you sparingly. It reminds you of your old self in its own funny way. Whereas the other times its a trip down the memory lane, frequenting our past. Whenever you pass by a place you frequented previously or happen to come across the person with whom you had any association they have affect you deeply. They are the shadows of time who have come back again but now they don't hold much importance in your life. I remember standing in the same square and looking through my own shadows which now seemed meaningless! The memoirs of time are thick and hard bound. We can't undo what's been done ...

Myself

Its been awhile since I'm not my best.. I feel like I'm at test.. Things inside are not at rest.. Yes, it seems like a rhyme but it's something that is constantly going on.. The times when I try sharing it, venting it out.. I feel like I'll be judged.. The answers are all solution focused.. What is required is patience with a patient hearing.. Thoughts about future seem blurred.. The present is dull and the past is dark.. The world looks with an unwanted smile.. Its vicious eyes are piercing through my soul. I look sane outside but inside everything is going insane. I don't want to be a subject of conversations rather I desire self perception, a vision to help me clear my doubts.. My To Do list is overflowing.. I have so much that I Have to do and so much that I Plan to do. My mission is missing, I'm becoming lethargic to the thought of putting hard work. My efforts are missing and I know I'll succumb to these undue pressures that have be...

Unmanned Distance

Distances are measured.. Distances are created.. Distances are traveled upon.. And Distances are sorted.. When one is travelling we always take out a map to see how far we've come and how much farther do we have to go. The calculation is manned. The measured and calculated distance is the one we already are aware of. We are on a road already traveled. A relation is a road that has it's milestones which we are creating to know that we have traveled this path. But the path that we are moving on is the one that we are creating. We are amateur's in the field. Our relationship has its own manned regions, the regions that have affected us. The grey areas of our relationship is unmanned, untamed and unaffected. When we are meeting the one's we love everyday or frequently, these grey areas fade away. We know how the other will react, how they behave etc. The frequent meetings shorten the distance. We know the effects and affects of the distance. Yet some dista...