Forgiving You!

एक वक़्त था जब तुमपे गुस्सा ही सब कुछ था,

एक वक़्त था जब उस गुस्से से आगे कुछ नहीं था|

पर एक वक़्त ऐसा आया जब उस तकलीफ से आगे दिखाई दिया अपना असली दर्पण 

वह दर्पण जो रह गया था कुछ पीछे पर अभी भी था अपना सा|

जब हुए उससे वाकिफ तब पता चला की माफ़ी से ही चलेगी ज़िन्दगी आगे,

आज आया ज़ेहन में की माफ़ करदे तुमको और बढ़ चलें अपनी राह में आगे|

The span of the last two-three years, I now don't even remember when it was the last, had been a deadlock. The mind resisted any change! The only thing that mattered was anger, self directed or towards you I can't put a finger on it. 

Struggling through the routine, the chores I had to perform, halfheartedly and with constant fight inside... The mask was so tough that no one knew what had been going behind it. I had stopped discussing things that I knew will come to the same conclusion. The thoughts being 'what were you thinking?' 'what will you be thinking?' 'was it affecting you?' 'had you been having any trouble?' 'had you moved on?' 

The nagging continued and probably there was a mediocre internal breakdown, the hammering became stagnant, the tears dried up. The things seemed same and the deadlock continued. 

Finally, came the stage past the breakdown when I came back into what I'm now. Picking up the pieces, building on the present. The phase of self recluse continues but I'm able to manage things at a pace that's acceptable to me. The words that echoed were 'Forgiveness' 'Let Go.' 

I pulled my socks, brought all the courage together and with a heavy heart said the final words. The words did bring the confusion to rest. The darkness is withering away and is making space for the lighter moments to enter. I now know that my weakness was you but now it's my strength and I know how to channelize it. Your words still make their presence felt at times but when I want them to affect me. 

Your presence has decreased along with the things that used to hold meaning. The things are still intact but are lying away securely tucked in a box. Those last words literally lifted the heaviness, the undue pressure. Yes, I know that the times come when I wanna just be with you, staying in your embrace, yet I know that stage has passed and I don't want it back. 

For me you just exist in this world with just your name. The meaning is obsolete as for your earlier self since I can't say if you were the same or something stirred in you. I'm unable to see through the kind of person you wanted to be or were making yourself into and now I don't want to indulge into such facts.

The words, the stuff, moments are still intact. The reason changed. The only thing that stays is 'I Forgive You!!'